I am so excited to feature the amazing Geri Alicea of Womb Prep in a special guest series all month long about, yep, you read that right … SEX!! Hold onto your seats because this is gonna be good!
Let’s Make Love For Love’s Sake
As a woman dealing with infertility, I know first-hand how difficult it can be to have sex for enjoyment rather than to just procreate. If you don’t have that struggle, then take a moment to praise God – because sis, let me tell you: THE. STRUGGLE. IS. REAL. Sometimes enjoying the act of baby making can be one of the hardest parts of trying to conceive. If we’re being honest, sex isn’t the hard part in this equation. It’s enjoying the experience while simultaneously wondering if you’re ovulating and if your body is going to cooperate THIS time. And with all of that pressure, it’s no wonder sex becomes more of a chore than something you actually enjoy.
As stressful as having sex can be while trying to conceive, it’s important to not let that stress overtake you. Infertility takes so much out of you as it is; don’t let it take the fun out of your sex life too. That’s giving it way too much power. So sis, take that power back and make love to your husband for love’s sake and not just to procreate. I know, I know… You’re probably looking at your screen wondering how to do that when the stress of TTC is so great. Well… I’m glad you asked. Here are 3 tips on how to enjoy sex while trying to conceive:
1. Pray about your sex life.
Yes sis, you read that right 🤣. One of the best ways to begin enjoying sex with your husband again is to pray about it. I know in Christian culture the only time we’re taught to pray about sex is if there needs to be deliverance from fornication, adultery or an alternative lifestyle. But Philippians 4:6 says “……. in EVERY situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” – which means praying about your sex life with your husband, too. Can I tell you a secret? God desires for you to have a good, healthy, fun sex life with your husband. But before that can happen, YOU will have to acknowledge the issues, tell Him all about it and allow Him to fix it. Prayer really is the key!
Whew! I know that was kind of deep but you’ll thank me later, sis. TRUST. ME. ON. THIS.
2. Be intentional about having fun.
If you have ever been on a TTC journey then you understand me when I say sex is hard work. It’s not just touching, kissing, exploring, connecting and all the other things that make it enjoyable. For women like us it’s questioning if it’s the right time of the month, hoping your eggs and his sperm cooperate, wondering if it’s actually going to happen this time and dreading the two-week wait that comes afterward (whew! I just got stressed typing that 🤣). To put it mildly, sex can be rather stressful. But it’s vitally important to become intentional about having fun during sex. I know that can be difficult with your biological clock ticking and your ovulation app telling you when to have sex. But for this month, I challenge you to forget about your biological clock, delete the ovulation app and just have sex for the fun of it (literally). I know that’s better said than done but don’t get so caught up in trying to conceive that you forget to connect with and enjoy your husband.
3. Communicate your desires to your husband.
Little known fact: Your husband can’t read your mind, love. I know that’s not what you wanted to hear but it is the truth. Society will tell you that your husband should just automatically know what you need and want but it’s not true. That is an unrealistic expectation and it’s seriously unfair. You can’t expect him to know what you haven’t communicated to him. God did not give him the ability to read your mind so you’re going to actually have to tell him what your desires are. And please, whatever you do, don’t give him a bulleted list of what you want (y’all know how we like our lists). That will lose his attention after the third bullet point 🤣. Instead, get creative with how you tell him. Write him a letter or send him a sext (sexy text) message explaining in great detail the what, how, where and when. Men are visual beings so you’re going to have to create a picture with your words of what you want to happen when you’re alone.
Need help with that prayer about your sex life? Start here:
“Father, I thank you that my husband’s penis ONLY curves and craves for the inside of MY vagina and his lips crave for only my breast according to Proverbs 5:18-19.”
Special thanks to Adrienne E. Bell for this prayer.
Of course, this isn’t an exhaustive list of how to bring the fun and excitement back to your sex life but it’s definitely a start. Remember that sex is meant to be enjoyed and not merely endured.